I am in love with this Japanese woman I once met in London. I told her that I wished to marry her, but she rejected my offer; the reason being that I was not Japanese and that her parents wouldn’t like it, and also that I was four years younger. Now, according to her, she will have a marriage in Japan arranged by her parents. This is causing me great pain as I cannot imagine her being with another man. She has also asked me never to contact her again. It has now been some months since I communicated to her last, but I am in great pain and depression. I don’t want to marry anyone else, as I will not feel comfortable. Now the situation is that I am looking for a girl that resembles her in appearance and behaviour, which means she has to be Japanese too. I need to know the Islamic point of view in relation to the above situation.
Well, according to the Qur’ān, a Muslim should always try to remain thankful to the circumstances the Almighty has ordained for him. You see, our objective as a Muslim is to surrender to the will of the Almighty, since we know that He always means well for us. When He does not let a person achieve a target that person had set for himself, it may imply that He wants to shield him from its ill-effects, which that person could have no knowledge of. As the saying goes: man proposes and God disposes. It is His will which has to ultimately prevail and it is to this will that we must submit. This is the essence of Islam.
The other thing is that falling in love is one thing and ‘trying’ to fall in love another. The former is but natural and cannot be objected to if proper norms and limits are maintained before a man and woman can get married. The latter is not a very decent thing to do. Such emotions are spontaneous and if made conditional to artificial means, generate unseeming and unbecoming attitudes and demeanour. My advice to you would be to accept the decision of Allah with perseverance and spend your time in constructive activities . Maybe you will fall in love a second time. But let it happen automatically. Also, you must be very careful: if you do come across such a relationship, you must observe the limits of the Sharī‘ah