Author: Gul e Khuba
Blame is the only defence mechanism left for the majority of us when dealing with our failures like losing a job or a loved one. We may also end up wasting time in such scenarios. The fact is that indulging in all this may still be less harmful than blaming others for our failures. This is more horrifying if they were not even responsible for this outcome. This not only makes others’ lives miserable and deleterious, but also affects our own lives.
Self-righteousness is one of the reasons behind blaming others. It is a state in which people feel that they only hold the correct opinion and all the rest are wrong. It is a form of arrogance and is tantamount to be ignorant about their own shortcomings. Regarding one’s stance to be correct is not wrong in a situation where you are actually right; it will also raise a person’s morale and boost his or her self-worth or self-esteem. But self-righteousness is a condition in which people feel right about themselves even when they are completely wrong. Self-righteous people feel insignificant about others, become ignorant of others’ righteousness and lack acknowledgement of others’ righteous deeds. These people might regard themselves superior to others.
Self-righteousness often leads to a situation where we start blaming others for our own setbacks. Blaming others without a valid reason is not only seen in self-righteous people, but also in those who regard themselves incorrect in some situations. Most of the time, for most of us, the only way to move on or to satisfy ourselves when we have done something wrong or when we don’t get what we want is to blame others, irrespective of whether they are or not responsible.
The main focus should not be on blaming something or someone; it should be on accepting our own mistakes and faults. It is not super easy, but trying can prevent us from causing unwanted harm to others and to our own selves. Blaming others makes our minds negative. This also increases our anger and rage towards others. But we should think whether they are really involved in ruining our life, or is it we ourselves who are responsible? Who wasted time? Who lost the opportunity? Believe me or not, most of the time it is we who are the culprits of our own losses. Since we have intellect and insight and are aware of good and evil, how could someone be responsible for our wrong decisions or for losing our opportunities, unless we are not handicapped, molested or forcefully pulled towards a bad decision in our life?
We should focus on knowing our own selves before knowing others. By doing so, we can recognize our own faults before projecting them onto someone else. Most importantly, by refraining from blaming others, we can gain valuable insights into our own mistakes, take ownership of them and build trust in ourselves that we can overcome them.
There is another way of blaming others. For instance, if we say: “she makes me feel bad about my looks,” or “he makes me feel that I am not good at sports.” Now these are very normal thoughts in our mind in which we project negative thoughts on ourselves by blaming others. Sometimes these kinds of thoughts emerge from our past trauma, and we feel bad about ourselves due to what others have led us to perceive. However, we often feel bad about ourselves not just because of others, but also due to our low self-esteem, insecurities, jealousy or lack of emotional control. We can overcome this emotional meltdown by not wasting our energy on others’ opinions about us. Instead, we should focus solely on what we believe about ourselves.
By controlling our emotions, identifying our self-worth and recognizing our mistakes, we can embrace who we are, reflect on our past actions, and recognize our potential. Ultimately, we will be able to learn the best ways to improve ourselves, rather than blaming others and playing the role of a victim.