It seems from your columns that the real object of Islam is to have a purified soul. However, the question is: From where should I start? I can break any idol, but so far as sex and women are concerned, I can never get out of this stuff. I am a doctor who prays regularly; I know when we dissect a breast, there is nothing down there but merely fat tissue; sometimes we are supposed to remove this fat to bring relief to the patient if it becomes cancerous. The vaginal vault contains many such bacteria as can’t exist anywhere else. Sexually transmitted diseases are horrible to look at. But despite all this knowledge, for the last 15 years, I have been trying to ignore sexual attractions and suppress my sexual urge and have used every possible measure to curb it, but, truly speaking, I have failed. Although I have never made physical contact with women, yet I have really spoilt my mind, eyes and ears like anything. Marriage seems a long way off since I have three older sisters yet to be married. Please give me some advice on how to tackle my problem.
A sincere desire to overcome a problem is the first step towards solving it. Your sincerity will, Insha Allah, one day open the doors of success to you if you keep on trying to solve the issue. So do not be over awed or feel dejected. Also, bear in mind the fact that Islam does not require that a person suppress the sexual urge for it is in the instincts; a person is only required to keep it within bounds and satisfy it in the right way.
Today almost every person is exposed to intense carnal attractions. The opportunities for evil to waylay a person have increased manifold and it seems to be extending its tentacles from all sides. So long as marriage is not possible for you, the best thing is to divert your attention as much as possible through healthy entertainment and constructive activities. Here are some tips that might help you:
1. Fasting is a very affective to curb the sexual urge. So if you can keep fasts at intervals suited to your life and routine, this will hopefully help you a lot. Try keeping at least three consecutive fasts each month. During fasting, remind yourself that you are abstaining from food and sex for Allah’s sake, and keep deliberating upon the words of this prayer: ‘Lord for you I have abstained from this desire (for food). I could not have abstained without the strength you gave me. My Lord I am your humble and frail servant. Give me the strength to abstain from that desire as well, for I fear your wrath and seek your mercy’.
2. Another measure to control the sexual urge is to look for constructive activities; in particular, those that involve physical effort. One such activity, which usually works wonders, is getting involved in social and public welfare activities. Providing community service through one’s well-placed contacts is one way to start with for example. Being a doctor, you can start voluntary medical service, together with some of your colleagues, for the poor and needy around you. And you can even go to the nearby villages for this. Similarly, many other things can be thought of.
3. Try to develop a strong relationship with the mosque. Besides going there for prayer, just spend some time there in between prayers when there are few people around. You fill find a very special type of serenity and calmness during these times which will positively affect your spiritual being.
4. Develop the habit of visiting a nearby graveyard once a month. Just roam around there for a sometime and you will find yourself attached to the next world -- which is a strong way to divert your attention from carnal pleasures.
5. Although this may not be advisable for health reasons, at times you can relieve yourself through masturbation, which will at least give you temporary relief and save you from indulging in something grave.